DWTS Season 9 Quotes |

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Week 8
Tom (to Bruno after Kelly's dance): "As a dad, you make Ozzy look like Hugh Beaumont."

Bruno (after Joanna and Derek's paso doble): "Derek, you're a genius."

Tom (after Aaron said he almost threw up): "Well, that would be our over-sharing moment of the night."

Bruno (to Donny): "It was like watching a Lifetime movie."

Len (to Mya): "Again tonight, there was a disappointment for me... because I couldn't find anything to criticize."

Tom (to Len): "I guess it was too much to hope the good mood would last."

Carrie Ann (to Donny): "I found it mesmerizing."

Donny (after Len's comment): "This is cool, we go from 'airy-fairy' to 'artsy-fartsy.'"

Dmitry: "It's a difficult step."
Mya: "Uh, duh."

Tom (to Bruno): "You managed to impersonate Donna Summer and a strangled cat at the same time."

Len (to Donny): "A cross between Adam Ant and Adam Carolla."

Bruno: "That had more camp in it than a drag queen's convention. It was like watching Donny doing Marie doing Donny doing Marie."

Carrie Ann (to Donny): "That was a little insane. I think you might have just dropped off the edge."

Week 7

Bruno (to Joanna): "You are a love goddess, so sexy I could taste it!"

Len (to Aaron): "That had enough energy to light up Hollywood."

Bruno (to Kelly): "You flirty, dirty little girl."

Bruno (to Mark): "You can turn more tricks than Heidi Fleiss."

Tom (to Len): "What are you looking for, presuming you even know yourself."

Michael: "I have never been mistaken for Fred Astaire."

Bruno (to Donny): "You are such a performer. No one could cover up the mistakes like you did."

Carrie Ann: "You went wrong a couple, maybe four times."
Donny: "Maybe five."

Mya: "How did you get the crowd on your feet every time you danced?"
Cloris: "It was an intermission.

Carrie Ann: "There was one little weird thing in the middle..."
Tom: "They call that Len."

Derek: "Joanna has a hard time seeing the romance in our relationship. But I can picture it entirely."

Week 6
Len: "I thought their critiques were a little harsh."
Tom: "And that, of course, is the pot calling the kettles black."

Bruno (to Aaron): "The boy has become a gentleman."

Samantha: "I think Len took his happy pills tonight."

Kelly (to Louis): "Chorus line? What bloody chorus line have you been in that you've got to crawl up a ladder?"

Carrie Ann (to Kelly): "You have to just stay in the happy place."

Dmitry: "I'm doing our knockout dance."
Mya: "That sounds serious."

Carrie Ann (to Louie): "It was really great other than the dropping."

Samantha (to Chelsie and Louie): "A little smooch. All right, first base."

Tom: "A lot of women fall for Maksim Chmerkovskiy. He told me himself."

Kym (to Donny): "I'm gonna go through your legs, then you're gonna go 'woo woo!' and then look at my butt."

Melissa (talking to Mark about the group Mambo): "How do we get Mya and Dmitry over to the corner?"

Tom (about Joanna and Derek's waltz): " It will be our 'get a room dance' of the season."

Mya: " If Mr. Michael Irvin wants to accidently bump into me, then he better accidently wear a cup."

Len (About Michael's dance and Bruno's and Carrie Ann's score): "It's amazing that three people can watch a dance, and two of them can get it totally wrong."

Len: "Sometimes less is more...but not in the Jitterbug...more is more!."

Tom Bergeron: "There are a couple of sites on the internet where you can bid on Mark's hair from last week."

Carrie Ann (to Melissa): "Well at least you kept your puppies up".

Mark Ballas: "It was really fun for me to take a backseat, and watch someone else kick Melissa's butt".

Bruno (to Mya) "Mya, don't worry, cleanliness is next to Godliness".

Week 5
Alec (to Natalie): "Dimples don't intimidate."

Anna D (to Michael): "Walk like you're holding a coin in your butt cheeks."

Bruno: "Michael, keep that nickel in your butt, because it's working for you."

Mya (after accidentally kneeing Dmitry in the groin): "Seems like the female's dominating the male on this one."

Kym: "Argentine Tango is the most passionate dance. Do you know what that means?"
Donny: "I've got five kids, what do you think?"

Bruno: "Finally Donny Osmond is turning into Donny Darko."

Bruno (to Melissa): "You looked slightly grumpy more than sexy."

Karina to Aaron in rehearsal: "Turn me on...and that is not easy because I am a cold-hearted b****."

Week 4
Bruno (to Michael): "Your dancing is a little like the economy. Every week it's supposed to be getting better, but nothing happens."

Michael: "Only in America can you dance like we were just dancing, with a beautiful woman, and have a beautiful wife in the audience right there in the front row, and she's clapping, like "Good job! Good job!"

Louie: "At least I'm not crying."

Derek: "We got two nines and an eight. What's that, 28? [pause] Wait, 26."
Joanna: "Two blondes, taking five seconds to add up to 26."

Bruno (to Chuck): "You bring carnage and mayhem in everything you do, but it's still a two-step."

Len (to the audience): "I liked it a lot, don't start booing."

Karina (to Aaron): "It's actually not bad. The only thing... you're pigeon-toed, you're sticking your ass out, and you're not moving your hips." But other than that it's not bad."

Tom B (to Len): "Wait a second, you're upset because there's not enough raunch?"

Lacey: "Mark and I have the country two-step this week... and Mark's not very country."

Tom B: "The judges berated her lack of confidence, which is a great way to boost someone's self-esteem."

Carrie Ann (after Joanna and Derek's lambada): "I hope the children are in bed."
Tom: "I bet some of the adults are now."

Len (to Donny): "You look good, you dance good, and watching you does you good."

Week 3
Lacey (to Mark): "You need to learn to calm down."

Len (to Bruno): "You need a check-up from the neck up."

Bruno (to Mya): "You put all of America in the mood for love."

Tom: "I saw Mark's hair and I suddenly want to watch T.J. Hooker."

Tom: "Later on, Len will read from his essay, "Beethoven was a hack."

Len (to Debi): "When you turn look a little worried."
Debi: "I am."

Bruno (to Donny): "It was a bit airy-fairy at times."

Carrie Ann (after Donny kissed Bruno): "That was a bit awkward."

Samantha (to Donny): "Only a seven from Bruno. You should have given him tongue."
Donny: "Whoa."

Bruno (to Natalie): "Sexy beast!"

Bruno (to Chuck): "It's like a samba from Zombietown. But Zombietown is a hit!"

Week 2

Anna Demidova (to Michael Irvin): "If dancing was easy, they'd call it football."

Louie: "The judges are kind of harshing my mellow."

Tom (to Bruno): "Sometimes I feel like we're all interfering with your therapy session."

Tom: "You might remember that last week, our head judge Len Goodman encouraged UFC fighter Chuck Liddell to get in touch with his feminine side, which may have something to do with Len not being here this evening."

Debi: "You have to be more patient."
Maksim: "Never."

Chelsie: "You'll run up to some woman in the crowd and kiss her on the cheek."
Louie: "Maybe like 40's, blonde, Utah-ish."
Chelsie: [pause] "Wait, my mom?"

Tom (to the judges after Aaron and Karina's three nines): "I thought you had left those paddles in storage."

Bruno: "Mya the magnificent!"

Carrie Ann (to Tom DeLay): "You've got to squeeze 'em together, sir."
Tom: "Historically, that's been his problem."

Week 1

Maksim: "Dancing is not a democracy. If you do what I say, you'll be good."

Debi: "Are they too long, my arms? I never noticed that before."

Debi: "Maybe I'm too tight in my hips."
Maksim: "Just stop talking."

Bruno (to Debi): "You can work those bazooms like nobody else."

Tom (to Bruno): "During that critique, Bela Lugosi called. He wants his laugh back."

Len: "It was all sweet and sickly."

Tom (about Len): "They don't call him Old Iron Knickers for nothing."

Mya: "Dmitry is the perfect partner for me because number one, he's cute. Number two, he's tall and cute."

Len (to Dmitry): "This was not a Viennese Waltz, it was a theatrical hodge-podge."

Tom: "I thought we'd have to wait until Flash Forward debuted to see an alternate reality, but no. Thank you, Len."

Tom: "Let's not overshare."

Alec (to Natalie): "Relax. You look like you're going to explode."

Len: "If the girls can't come out here and knock my socks off, then I don't know what's going on."
Carrie Ann: "You're getting old."

Len (to Macy): "It was beautiful in its own bizarre way."

Bruno (to Macy): "It's like watching a small child taking its first steps into the world: 'What's happening here? Who am I? Where am I going?'"

Bruno (to Joanna): "What a specimen."

Kelly: "Oh.... I'm so special."

Kelly: "My bum just wiggled. I am not doing that."

Aaron: "I'm OK with heels. I'm not gonna say I've never tried them on."

Anna T (about Chuck): "You better be scared. He can hurt people."

Michael: "Why'd you do this, Mike?"

Mark: "Lacey is the master. I'm the grasshopper."

Len (about Chuck): "It was a little aggressive."

Edyta: "You know what you're not doing?"
Ashley: "Dancing?"

Edyta: "Good job, you looked like a dancer.... A little bit."

Tom: "If you're dancing at home, no kung fu and down with the razzamatazz."

Louie: "I'm glad I found a dancer that's smaller than me, because that's hard to find."

Tom Delay: "Going left for me is absolutely outrageous."

Bruno: "You are crazier than Sarah Palin!"

Carrie Ann (to Tom Delay): "That was surreal."

Len (to Tom Delay): "Parts were magic, parts were tragic."

Tom Delay: "I've got bigger critics than those judges."

Donny (rehearsing the salsa): "I don't think they're ever going to let me back in Utah again."

Louie: "Donny, the only high score you're getting is on your birthday card."

Mark: "The Viennese Waltz is so stiff and uncomfortable, Tom Delay should be doing it."

Tom Delay: "I always like to go last, so I can watch the competition."
Cheryl: [pause] "But we're not going last."

Adam Carolla (To Donny): "You're 51, when do we get to start calling you Don?"

Adam Carolla (To Donny): "Did you bring the smelling salts? Because I hear Osmonds are prone to fainting."