DWTS Quotes |

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Nov 23 2009, 6:29 PM EST jakefwp 395 words added, 2 words deleted
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Len Goodman

Walking into Mya and Dmitry's rehearsal: "Hey, look who's here... the grumpy judge."

To Kelly: "I know there were a few worrying incidents..."

To Joanna: "A little bit more cheeky, it could have been."

"I've got to say this. I'm sorry, but Bruno shouts a lot."

To Donny: "You look good, you dance good, and watching you does you good."

To the audience: "I liked it a lot, don't start booing."

To Bruno: "You need a check-up from the neck up."

To Debi: "When you turn look a little worried."
Debi: "I am."

To Dmitry: "This was not a Viennese Waltz, it was a theatrical hodge-podge."

"It was all sweet and sickly."

To Macy: "It was beautiful in its own bizarre way."

To Tom DeLay: "Parts were magic, parts were tragic."

About Chuck: "It was a little aggressive."

To Donny: "Too much razzamatazz."

To Gilles: "Kill it, sunshine."

To Gilles and Cheryl: "I'm giving you a sitting down standing ovation."

To Gilles: "I made a list of the things the Frencch are famous for: French toast, French fries, French kissing. And you can add the Lindy Hop to that list."

"I don't understand. I'm a stranger in this country, and I get booed for telling the truth."

To Ty: "There was a tiddly blunder."

To Carrie Ann: "I want to get that in my ear, I'll go home and talk to my wife."

About Woz: "It was consistent; it was terrible from start to finish."

About Holly's samba: It was like a match. Hot at the top, wooden at the bottom."

About David and Kim's salsa: "It was all sizzle and no sausage."

About Ty: "Last week a caterpillar, this week a butterfly."

Also about Ty: "You've got to watch your hand, it looks like a bunch of bananas on her back."

To The Woz: "Overall, it was a disaster."

“That would frighten children.”

“You've bitterly disappointed me.”

“I like it how I like it!”

“I thought you were going to pull your knickers off.”

“The rumba isn't about a story of a gigolo and strumpet.”

“Careful doesn't win Dancing With The Stars.”

“You got all the gear at the rear.”

“It was like hanky-panky in the back of a Chevy.”

“At my age it takes a lot to get me excited.”

“Three words: Fab... u... lous!”

“If you're in the bottom two tomorrow, I'll show my bum in the supermarket.”

To NFL star and Season 6 runner-up Jason Taylor: “It's like looking in a mirror."

To Mario: "You're only 21. I have underpants older than you!”

To Cloris Leachman: "Mind your cleavage!"

Bruno Tonioli
After the Megamix: "Donny, at times I thought you were one of the professional dancers."

To Donny: "You're not doing Vegas, you're doing Dancing With The Stars."

To Joanna: "You are just natural sex."

To Joanna: "Delicious and flirtatious."

To Kelly: "You did it, baby, you did it."

"Michael, keep that nickel in your butt, because it's working for you."

"Finally Donny Osmond is turning into Donny Darko."

To Melissa Joan Hart: "You looked slightly grumpy more than sexy."

To Michael: "Your dancing is a little like the economy. Every week it's supposed to be getting better, but nothing happens."

To Chuck: "You bring carnage and mayhem in everything you do, but it's still a two-step."

To Mya: "You put all of America in the mood for love."

To Donny: "It was a bit airy-fairy at times."

To Natalie: "Sexy beast!"

To Chuck: "It's like a samba from Zombietown. But Zombietown is a hit!"

To Macy: "It's like watching a small child taking its first steps into the world: 'What's happening here? Who am I? Where am I going?'"

To Joanna: "What a specimen!"

To Debi: "You can work those bazooms like nobody else."

To Tom DeLay: "You are crazier than Sarah Palin!"

After Shawn's Argentine Tango: "Here is Catherine Zeta-SHAWN."

To Gilles after his salsa: "Lil Kim is alive and well and is hanging out in your pants!"

To Kim: "You tried to be a lady, but you're more comfortable being a tramp."

To Kim after her paso doble: "The b**** is back and she means business!"

To Chuck: "Good bum action. You learn how to use it and there's no stopping you."

To Chuck: "I know you enjoy the lower regions, but you have to bring the fluidity on the top."

To Ty: "It took a while to get started, and once it did get started, it wasn't that good."

To David: "You lifted your leg and you looked like a dog at a lamppost."

To Kim: "That was the tale of a fatal meeting. with the promise of forbidden pleasure"

To Ty: "You were jumping and kicking with the vitality of a young stallion!"

To Kim: "You are a pocket sized Venus with a super-sized sex appeal!"

About Woz: "This was the worst dance I've ever seen."

About Holly's quickstep: "You looked like you're running for a bus most of the time."

"That was a juicy salsa. So much flavor and so much content to satisfy the most demanding appetite."

To Cheryl, about Gilles: "You've got something to play with this time."

“You look like a crazy bear lost in a swamp.”

“The cha-cha-cha needs a slut.”

About Apolo and Julianne: “They made love on the dance floor!”

“Do you have extra batteries in your pants?”

“You look like you’re riding a bike.”

“Your rumba was so hot, I need an ice bucket.”

“I want you to be a dirty girl.”

To Marissa: “I want you to push more on the sex and become more dirty.”

To Drew and Cheryl: “You two can ride each other like no other!”

“Kristi Yamalicious tonight!”

Len: “I've had enough of him.”
Bruno: “I've had enough of you, then!”

To L'il Kim
"You're trying to be a lady, but you are more comfortable being a tramp."

Carrie Ann Inaba
"Donny Osmond, where did those hips come from?"

To Kelly: "You have to just stay in the happy place."

To Louie Vito: "It was really great other than the dropping."

After Donny kissed Bruno: "That was a bit awkward."

To Tom Delay: "That was surreal."

To Kim: "Not in the history of this show have I seen a booty shake like that."

To Jason: “You have big man syndrome”

“Adam Carolla was sexy out there.”

“These weird sounds keep coming out of me.”

“It was green, it was cute, that's what it was.”

Len: "If the girls can't come out here and knock my socks off, then I don't know what's going on."
Carrie Ann: "You're getting old."

Tom Bergeron
"We have another Osmond down!"

To Joanna, about Bruno: "He doesn't creep you out at all?"

To Len: "What are you looking for, presuming you even know yourself."

"I saw that movie, 'Dancing Beyond the Bunions.' I'm surprised there wasn't a sequel."

"A lot of women fall for Maksim Chmerkovskiy. He told me himself."

About Joanna and Derek's waltz: " It will be our 'get a room dance' of the season."

Carrie Ann (after Joanna and Derek's lambada): "I hope the children are in bed."
Tom: "I bet some of the adults are now."

"Wait a second, you're upset because there's not enough raunch?"

"The judges berated her lack of confidence, which is a great way to boost someone's self-esteem."

"I saw Mark's hair and I suddenly want to watch T.J. Hooker."

"Later on, Len will read from his essay, "Beethoven was a hack."

To Bruno: "Sometimes I feel like we're all interfering with your therapy session."

"You might remember that last week, our head judge Len Goodman encouraged UFC fighter Chuck Liddell to get in touch with his feminine side, which may have something to do with Len not being here this evening."

To Bruno: "During that critique, Bela Lugosi called. He wants his laugh back."

About Len: "They don't call him Old Iron Knickers for nothing."

"I thought we'd have to wait until Flash Forward debuted to see an alternate reality, but no. Thank you, Len."

"Let's not overshare."

"If you're dancing at home, no kung fu and down with the razzamatazz."

"I wouldn't jump too much in that dress, Samantha."

(After the squabbling over Ty's dance): "Our judges' dinner reservations are for three tables of one."

"Len Goodman, the wet blanket of the west."

(To Kim): "I think that solo is already being downloaded on the internet."

"There's much more dancing to come, out here with me and the Bickersons."

Len: "Then we have the jitterbug... er, the Lindy Hop."
Tom: "That's what happens when you don't come to rehearsal."

(About Samantha's voice): "It's kind of a Brenda Vaccaro smoky. An old reference, I know."

"Is it just me or is Bruno starting to look like a tan Bela Lugosi?"

Carrie Ann (to Lawrence): "You looked like you were a little afraid of Edyta."
Tom: "Wouldn't you be?"

"Little Lenny Hardbutt."

"I say this as a friend: You make one ugly woman, Maks."

"That's the first metaphor of yours I've actually understood."

"If they get through this week, Edyta's going to wear the other half of this outfit."

"The mobisodes are back. I'm excited about that and I don't even know what that means."

"A standing O from Nancy O'Dell, and believe me, it hurts when she does that."

“Len, I just have one word for you: Fiber.”

To Len: “Can I ask you a question? How is your romantic life?”

To Len: “We'll start with you, sunshine.”

“Next up is the star who brought tears to Carrie Ann. Now can she melt Len's cold, black heart?”

“The last time Len had a six-pack, it came with a bottle opener.”

“This isn’t just a popularity contest. It's a popularity contest with sequins.”

“Thank God this isn't live.”

“We’re making the world a better place, one low score at a time.”

(About Marissa) “She gets so excited, I feel like I danced well.”

“Seven gallons of spray tan has been used. Mostly on Edyta.”

“Last week, Len revealed that he had underpants older than our first star [Mario]. Let's scrub that image out of our heads.”

“How do you get spray tan off of a suit?”

“Can BFFs Jason and Christian put friendship aside?”

To Mark and Sabrina: “I think I speak for many people in America, when I say, ‘Get a room.’”

Samantha Harris
Samantha: "I think Len took his happy pills tonight."

To Chelsie and Louie: "A little smooch. All right, first base."

To Donny: "Only a seven from Bruno. You should have given him tongue."
Donny: "Whoa."

The night she had a cold: "I'm going through puberty, can't you tell?"

Holly: "Call me crazy, but..."
Samantha: "CRAZY!"

To Belinda: "I'm going to hold you."

"The cowboy turns into a caterpillar and blossoms out there."

"Bam! Bam!"

Edyta Sliwinska
Edyta: "You know what you're not doing?"
Ashley: "Dancing?"

Edyta: "Good job, you looked like a dancer.... A little bit."

Lawrence: "I'll still be married after this dance, right?"
Edyta: "We'll see."

“There is no time for friendship!”

Mark Ballas

“The rumba is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire.”

“You've got to shake it and bake it.”

Tony Dovolani
“That wasn't very sexy.”

“It's flicky and kicky.”

Derek Hough
"Joanna has a hard time seeing the romance in our relationship. But I can picture it entirely."

To Shannon: “I'm gonna slap you. She's such a perfectionist.”

About Brooke: “I slapped her around a little.”

Samantha: “You set a specific goal this week. That was to beat Kristi. Now she got a 29 tonight, you got a 24. What is it gonna take to beat her?”
Derek: “A shot gun.”

Julianne Hough
About Adam Carolla: “If he could only not talk so much.”

Adam Carolla (Season 6)
About Julianne: “I lost twenty pounds of fat, but I gained 105 pounds of angel. I love this girl!”

“I feel bad for Julianne. She deserves better.”

”When I saw Julianne as my partner, I was like, ‘Crap, I'm gonna be the one to ruin her winning streak.’”

To Julianne: “It's all right, babe, you don't need to know math, you’re hot.”

To Derek and Julianne: “First of all, check out the Stepford siblings here. We should bring you two right to the lab and start breeding you.”

Julianne: “Screw the judges! I can’t believe I just said, ‘Screw the judges.’”
Adam: “Well, that's what we might have to do to get higher scores.”

Julianne: “When I saw him, I thought, ‘Who paired us together!?’”
Adam: “God did.”

“I'm a 75-percenter giving you 95 percent!”

“Are there any dances that favor the guys with the rolled shoulders and the low self-esteem?”

“I'm supposed to get in a nine-piece suit and look relaxed doing something I'm not good at?”

“I'm not saying there are a couple of gay guys up stairs. OK, maybe just one.”

To Donny (Season 9): "You're 51, when do we get to start calling you Don?"

To Donny: "Did you bring the smelling salts? Because I hear Osmonds are prone to fainting."

More DWTS Quotes
Donny Osmond (watching a clip of him rubbing Kym's leg during a dance): "I'm still sleeping on the couch for that one."

Kelly Osbourne: "I'm going to look like a beached whale upside down."

Louis: "This looks like Dirty Dancing."
Kelly: "Oh, shut up."

Louis: "Swing your arms like a beautiful lady."
Kelly: "You've got the wrooong partner."

Kelly: "I think it looked more like Louis pooped me out than gave me a lift."

Kelly (to Louis): "Chorus line? What bloody chorus line have you been in that you've got to crawl up a ladder?"

Kelly: "Oh.... I'm so special."

Kelly Osbourne:Kelly: "My bum just wiggled. I am not doing that."

Dmitry Chaplin: "It's a difficult step."
Mya: "Uh, duh."

Mya: " If Mr. Michael Irvin wants to accidentally bump into me, then he better accidentally wear a cup."

Kenny Mayne: "Joanna's great. She's the girl next door. In Poland."

Kenny Mayne (about Aaron Carter): "It's a stupid TV show about dancing. What are you crying about?"

Kym (to Donny): "I'm gonna go through your legs, then you're gonna go 'woo woo!' and then look at my butt."

Melissa (talking to Mark about the group Mambo): "How do we get Mya and Dmitry over to the corner?"

Michael: "I have never been mistaken for Fred Astaire."

Carrie Ann: "You went wrong a couple, maybe four times."
Donny: "Maybe five."

Mya: "How did you get the crowd on your feet every time you danced?"
Cloris: "It was an intermission.

Alec Mazo (to Natalie Coughlin): "Relax. You look like you're going to explode."

Maksim Chmerkovskiy: "Dancing is not a democracy. If you do what I say, you'll be good."

Debi Mazar: "Are they too long, my arms? I never noticed that before."

Debi: "Maybe I'm too tight in my hips."
Maksim: "Just stop talking."

Mya: "Dmitry is the perfect partner for me because number one, he's cute. Number two, he's tall and cute."

Michael: "Only in America can you dance like we were just dancing, with a beautiful woman, and have a beautiful wife in the audience right there in the front row, and she's clapping, like "Good job! Good job!"

Louie: "At least I'm not crying."

Derek: "We got two nines and an eight. What's that, 28? [pause] Wait, 26."
Joanna: "Two blondes, taking five seconds to add up to 26."

Karina (to Aaron): "It's actually not bad. The only thing... you're pigeon-toed, you're sticking your ass out, and you're not moving your hips." But other than that it's not bad."

Alec (to Natalie): "Dimples don't intimidate."

Karina (to Aaron): "Turn me on. And that's hard because I'm a cold-blooded b****."

Anna D (to Michael): "Walk like you're holding a coin in your butt cheeks."

Mya (after accidentally kneeing Dmitry in the groin): "Seems like the female's dominating the male on this one."

Kym: "Argentine Tango is the most passionate dance. Do you know what that means?"
Donny: "I've got five kids, what do you think?"